In my mind | 112:47 AM
I think I will make a little life - routine out of this.
Sometimes you need to put out of your mind all that stays in there, even if it's in there since just a week!
I feel like if you let it there, it could just dissolve one day.. if you let it go out it will instead remain impressed by at least one person, or maybe your brain will simply be cleaner and have more space for other infos haha
I just know that this blog started in the December of 2013, and I can't believe I brought something like this on until now.. 2016! Okay, it's still 2 years and not 3 but wow, how cool is this?
I started it like a little diary because I started to feel interested in things that people that I knew weren't interested in.
I love looking back at what I used to put in here and remember those days.. and doesn't matter if that particular day was good or bad, the fact of remembering it just makes me happy now.
I change so much and in so less time, I feel like I'm changing much more now than I did in my teenage years, that are supposed to be the most life- changing ones. At the moment, I can just see positivity in my change, I can feel something that is looking more and more to who I want to be. Maybe it means just that I'm getting to know myself more, because sometimes it's difficult to open yourself even just to your own self (funny, right?).
It may sound materialistic, but clothes have a big impact on the way I feel daily. I just now started to choose things asking myself two times before buying something.. first I ask if something does really say my name, then I ask myself if I really (REALLY) need it. Sometimes you buy things you don't need at all and find yourself years after under a cover of "not enough you" things that let you confused. No, now it's not just about clothes.
It can be even about people, when you surround yourself with people that really give you something, and to whom you can give something too!
I recently remembered of the time I was in High School and people used to think I was a creepy emo metalhead, too sarcastic to be considered funny and dressed with too much black to be considered happy. I lost one year of high school because I wasn't the best student, and the first day in my new class, a girl never really tried to talk to me and get to know me, when on the other hand, I was always ready to warm up the conversations with a little joke.
Years later, when people in the class realized I was actually fine and mentally stable (no way?! people who wear black all the time can be this?), told me that this girl kept saying in that year that I was such an uncomfortable person to talk to, and that I was weird. I would like to know if I'm the only one thinking that, then you're young you're not always supposed to be mean. It's not a movie.
People of every age can choose freely how to act with their brains and it's not their hormones telling them to be mean to other human beings, in any kind of way. As far as I know, Ive always tried to be sweet with everyone. But yeah.. karma did its job right, and I could have seen that already in those years, so everything it's perfect haha
I'm a really shy person, I don't know if you can actually notice that. Another little High School related thing(and probably funny to other people) is that I sometimes can still remember all the times I said something intelligent to a teacher during a lesson (with a loud voice) in front of the whole class. Is it funny? I don't know, hopefully not too sad haha but hey, it's my brain that decided to save that kind of memory 8)
Mmmh, by the way, you know, selection can sometimes be "ughhh".. but sometimes it's just real fun. I just love analyzing things and selecting the good ones from the bad ones.
I can be lazy before doing that, but when I get into that it's all fine.
I want to reduce my wardrobe in items that I know are perfect for me. I want to wake up every morning and... okay, maybe not be sure from the first sight of what to wear, but at least I want to have in front of me possible combinations that make me feel comfortable. I had to take off so many things... skirts that are too short, pants that don't look good with my figure or things that don't make the best parts of my body stand out in a decent way.
Maybe it will sound even more strange, but I think it helps a lot even the hair cut haha
I feel so clean and ready for everything with short hair.. I still would love to have long hair in summer, because they make me think of freedom somehow, but this is how i want them now and ohhhh, how much I love positive changes.
I'll stop now because it's nearly 1 am and I'm so tired.. I wrote way too much, but that's what I had in my mind.
If you arrived to read everything until here, you must be a strong, lovely and weird person... but let me know in a comment if you really did haha